Yes, the countdown continues with only two weeks to go before we head off to Hanoi and then welcome our international visitors. We just can't wait.
In the meantime, I went to pay our internet / TV / Phone bill the other day. Yes, they're all with the same provider but of course, they have to send us separate bills. Why? Who knows. Anyway, there's a self service booth at the shop. Helpfully it even has the instructions in English, you know like "scan bar-code here", "insert bank note here" and my favourite "kiosk doesn't give back change". So you'd think this was a pretty simple operation, right? Wrong. Think again - This is Thailand or TiT as I like to say for various reasons (say it out loud, you'll get it). When you arrive at the shop, you are warmly greeted by a member of staff. They're very smiley but there's not a massive command of the English language. These lovely staff members tend to direct you read foreign people to the self-service machine presumably because the counter staff have no English either.
Anyway, you can't operate the self-service machine ... yourself. You need to have a member of staff operate the self-service machine. Not only that, but because the machine doesn't give change, the member of staff goes to the counter staff and gives them the money you've handed over in order to get change. The member of staff then gives you your change and feeds the correct money into the self-service machine. Awesome!
All this excitement however is tinged with sadness as we have to say goodbye to the lovely Chantal next week. She's been an awesome addition to the Chan community and we wish her well in her next endeavour. Naturally, we spent the afternoon with our colouring-in books for some quality time.
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| Orla cooking flat breads |
In order to celebrate properly and there's a few other events planned, a few of us had a home cooked dinner on Saturday night and much game playing ensued. Games like bananagrams and apologies for the language shithead card game. If you've never played these games then use the links to find out how they work. There was a lot of fun and a lot of laughter.
Last Tuesday I did something to my left shoulder. I still don't know what it was but either I had sat awkwardly on the couch or I slept weirdly. Either way, if I reached out with my left arm I was in agony - enough to wince each time.
If I sat still for too long, as soon as I moved it would hurt. Putting my hand up in the air or waving it around felt OK though so I carried on going to yoga. I was talking to my Pilates instructor after class Wednesday, who suggested I try a massage at either KP Grande or Maneechan hotels. I mulled this over for a day and decided to do it. I picked out the Maneechan because I thought more foreigners would stay there and I was more likely to get a western style massage.
Having been warmly welcomed at the front door, I headed to the Reception desk to make my request. Funnily enough, they had a large list of massage services right next to the desk no, not those sort of services, this was legit and I duly advised I would like a head, neck and back massage. I was lead through the hotel, passed the pool which looked lovely and to the room on the other side of the complex. There were about six mattresses all at floor level. That seemed a bit to caring and sharing for my liking but I was the only one there so didn't think anything more of it.
Alarm bells did still not go off when I was given a fetching little outfit to put on. I've confirmed with the very nice lady who did keep calling me madam which I hate but hey that I want my head, neck and back massaged. I've done this by also including hand signals pointed out my head, neck and back. She's nodded and directed me face down onto one of the mattresses. And, by the Gods, then it starts. Without a drop of oil in sight.
Have you every had a Thai massage? I can't say I recommend it. Sure, some people love it. They think this is the original massage which we should all have. Quite frankly, this is not my opinion. By the time she turned me over yes I know, why on earth do you need to be turned over when you're having your head, neck and back done all sorts of thoughts were going on in my head.
My first thought was - I wonder if anyone has ever gone for a massage, fully functioning and come out the other side a paraplegic? I kid you not. This woman was pulling and pushing me for all she was worth and not just with her hands. Oh no, she had a foot firmly planted on various bits of me and went to places that not even Mr John has been to in twelve years. Not only that, but every now and again she would punch, yes punch, the soles of my feet. What the ...... insert expletive of your choice...!
My second thought was - do you have any formal qualifications for undertaking this "service"? Health and Safety is, well, not very healthy or safe in Thailand. The general "sabai, sabai" namely chill out, relax, whatever approach coupled with a Buddhist belief that when your time is up, your time is up means that the Western obsession with your own personal safety just gets in the way of living life so best not to bother with all that.
One of the problems with all of this is that as she's working on one part of you, the rest of you has tensed up waiting for the inevitable surge of pain that's about to head your way. If you've already got a part of you that's tense, this sort of massage can surely only lead to other parts of you felling tense? And why do I have to roll onto my back when I'm only meant to be having my head, neck and back massaged? And what do you mean, sit up??
By the time she was jamming her chin into the top of my skull I was ready to run out screaming assuming I wasn't actually paralysed. I had been breathing so deeply and exhaling so dramatically think pregnant woman, labour pains whilst face down that I'd left a damp circle on the sheets and presumably they'd have to get a hair dryer or some equivalent to the mattress so that it was dried out for the next victim customer.
I get up off the mattress. This was only achieved by rolling myself onto my knees and gingerly, one foot at a time, raising myself up. I lurched to the bathroom so I can change out of my "massage outfit". I feel like I've been 10 rounds with Mohammed Ali. I'm offering up all sorts of promises to the Gods that I'm still able to ride my motorcycle home and will not be stuck here until Mr John finishes school.
Then 300 baht (about GBP £5.50 / AUD $11.80 / US $8.30 / EU 7.40) plus a tip what was I thinking later, I'm on my bike heading home thinking I should have tried the KP Grande. To be fair, it's feeling a little better but I'm not sure whether that's due to the skills of my masseuse or just time passing remember, this was no serious injury. I somehow suspect it was the latter.
The eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed that I didn't post anything last week. Well, that was because, quite frankly, I was having way too much fun! You see it was my birthday last Tuesday and I had a lovely week. Got to eat cake, went out to dinner with friends, got some lovely cards in the post and even some pressies. Awesome. So a quick thank you to everyone who made it so special for me.
Actually, I had loads of things to tell you, so you may actually get fed up of me by the end of the week. Did you see the US Open Tennis final? I even skipped yoga to watch the end of it shock horror but it was exciting.
I think the staff at Doi Chaang thought I was moving in but who can resist coffee cake? Infact, I had my first ever coffee rush while I was eating it and enjoying my latte. Have you ever had that? I felt like I was drunk. Whilst I have never experienced it before, I saw a guy I used to work with experience it and I have much more sympathy now. I think on my third visit of the week, they were contemplating a restraining order!
Of course the really big excitement of this week has been the start of the 2015 Rugby World Cup. I don't want to labour the point because quite frankly it just makes me feel way too old but I saw one of the Pool games in Brisbane in 1987 at the very first World Cup. There has of course been the predictable results though Australia don't play until Wednesday but the biggest upset and I must say once of the most exciting games of rugby I've seen in a while was when Japan beat South Africa.
South Africa is an incredible rugby nation and, like Australia, have won the RWC twice. You can imagine, how unbelievable it was that Japan beat them. As a neutral it was the most incredible game to watch sorry to all our South African friends, I know it will have hurt.
Mr John naturally wanted to see England's first match and due to the time difference, this started at 02:00 on Saturday morning, our time. So Friday night saw us in bed early and several alarms set. I enjoyed watching the opening game but, honestly, I think I'll leave him to get up on his own all England's matches are at the same time. Except when they play Australia of course. Oh, our poor neighbours!
I've been watching the US Open tennis tournament this last couple of weeks. There's been some very exciting matches. On Wednesday I was watching the Djokovic / Lopez match and it was an incredible match. Lopez, unbelievably, was two sets up and the fourth set was 6-5 in his favour. I was meeting someone for coffee and even put them back 15 minutes so I could see the end of the set - come on, if he'd have won that set Djokovic, number 1 in the world, would have been out.
Lopez was about to serve when, the screen went dead and this appeared. Yes, it's part of the three times daily, we're going to interrupt your life so we can update you with our propaganda progress. This goes on at 8am, 12pm and 6pm. Lovely. I shouldn't complain, they now include English subtitles.
It's been a bit of a hectic week, this week. I've gone back to yoga with the torturer and continue to feel a bit like a human pretzel. The good news is Friday classes are back on so now I can go Monday, Wednesday and Friday which spaces it out better and lets me get things done on Tuesday and Thursday. Seriously you wouldn't believe, by the time I have been, get back, shower, let my hair dry it's suddenly 11 o'clock and I haven't done anything. Mr John's underpants don't wash themselves you know!
Speaking of him indoors, I'm sending him to Mars. OK, well not literally to be fair, I'd miss him, but don't tell him that. He's "scheduled to depart 4 March 2016". And you should see the frequent flyer miles - amazing! Mr John teaches science at school and is a bit of a geek with these sorts of things. It cost nothing to submit his name and I thought it would be interesting for him.
Whilst there'll be tennis finals showing on our tv this weekend, the thing we're really looking forward to is the start of the Rugby World Cup next Friday. Well, actually, given the time difference it starts here at 2am on Saturday. All Mr John's England matches are on at that time he he hee but Australia has some very civilised times like 22:45 except when they play England. Pool A is a tough group to get out of as not only does it have Australia and England in it but also Wales, Fiji and Uruguay. So, best get a new set of divorce papers printed out don't worry it's just our running joke.
Have a lovely weekend everyone.
